I posted this on my Instagram account a few weeks ago:
It is so true. Stress, especially stress brought on by others, can make it so hard to stay positive and feel good about yourself. It strips you of your defenses and makes you vulnerable to more abuse which in turn creates more stress. It’s a vicious cycle that will eventually break you. Unless you can get out. The problem is, sometimes it’s difficult to just walk away. Sometimes you just have to endure it until you can move on. The trick is to not loose sight of your own self worth while you are searching for a way out. That’s so very hard.
In my case, I have to constantly remind myself that the issues I am encountering are not MY issues. They are someone else’s issues and I just happen to be the focus of their insecurities or whatever it is they are struggling with.
I am good at what I do. I know that, but I need to constantly remind myself of this almost every 10 minutes just so I don’t get sucked into whatever power play is going on at any given moment.
I wish people didn’t have so much ego. Go talk to a therapist, go rock climbing, or join a club or something and get that shit worked out, but I see no place for this transference onto others. Lately, this struggle has been creeping into my life in the form of anxiety, stress, nightmares, and illness as a result of above. It’s so hard to let the negativity just roll off your back without living in fear of what is going to greet you tomorrow. What awesome rumor or report is going to be told today? What is going to be discussed behind closed doors to give the impression that I am not performing today? It’s a wonderful feeling <sarcasm> to be greeted with every evening while trying to enjoy dinner or a glass of wine.
I’m good at what I do. I’m good at what I do. I’m good at what I do. I’m good at what I do. I’m good at what I do. If I say it enough, maybe I can start to believe it again.