Can I just be really snotty for a bit?

You know you are stuck up when …….
you complain about your hired help………………
who doesn’t really work for you because his visa is paid for by the person who owns your house…………………………..


OK, a little background.

We have a wonderful gardener. He is an old man and he takes care of us and our house very well. He is respectful and hard working and he is a good man. Since his family is in Bangladesh, he wanted to go home and visit last year, so the owner of the house hired a young boy (20 years old) to replace him when he left. In the beginning it was great because this boy understood and spoke English and he was willing to learn and do everything we asked him to do. He came inside and cleaned with me and he helped with dinner. Our old gardener never got to go home, because of his age or something or other, so now we have two men working here.

When I went back to work, I took the boy aside and trained him for two weeks in the fine art of cleaning and taking care of a home. Let me tell you, he has failed miserably. I have since retrained him over and over again and he still doesn’t do anything right. He does things I don’t ask him to do, he doesn’t do things I ask him to do and he is wasteful. He does not speak or understand as much English as he lets on to and he is a nosey son of a ………….

He is constantly asking for extra money at the end of the month for this or that brother or cousin and he is making a habit of “telling on” the old man gardener for doing all kids of stuff. This kid had the balls to ask if my husband was going to give a check for 20,000 Dhs to the home owner for rent. Since when in the hell is it a house boy’s business when where and how much money we pay to who for anything? He reads our receipts, our papers, and everything else in his view. He stands over my freaking shoulder and reads my damn e-mail while I am typing. It has gotten to the point to when I see him, I get so angry that I just want to scream. I am aggravated and I hate just thinking about him being at my house.

Now, he comes inside just now to tell me something about our old man gardener and how he is going outside the house and working (well duh, he is earning extra money and we don’t care if he does). Apparently, this fu**ing kid has started something with the home owner to try and replace our old man gardener with his cousin. I am livid! I just want to scream “You’re fired” to this kid right now, but my hands are tied because I don’t hold his passport and even though we have talked to the owner about him, there is a HUGE communication breakdown and nothing is getting done. I am so pissed off right now I really don’t want to see this kids face again. I am afraid of what I may do.

What shall I do?

I am looking for a live in Filipino lady and have one prospect, but don’t feel good about it. Any more ideas?


5 thoughts on “Can I just be really snotty for a bit?

  1. You should talk to my mom. She has been through this many many times.

    I think you should not let him in the house. Just get him to work in the garden and tell him that you don’t want to hear anything about the old gardner.

    You know, its sad that some take advantage of being welcomed and being treated nice. They soon become way too comfortable and start demanding for more and Westerners are usually a target, they feel they can mess around with them.
    Try not letting him in your room and keep your bills and private stuff away from sight. Tell him off if you catch him looking into things that is none of his business and threaten to tell his boss.
    Set limits with him and be firm.

    Even when you bring a Filipino lady, make the rules clear right from the begining. And alway think, if you are going to allow something its difficult to change it later.

    Finally,don’t allow him to interact with your kids without your supervision (I don’t want to make you paranoid, but I have come across alot of horror stories). And don’t be shy to draw the line when he crosses it.


  2. As I’ve said before, he is not your responsibility so just tell him his services aren’t need in the house anymore. (Basically he is doing ‘extra work’ for you as he is employed by the sponsor to do the garden, if I understand your post correctly) If his sponsor wants to still sponsor/pay him that’s his prerogative.

    If he is making you feel bad he has got to go NOW! Don’t even let him feel that you no longer need him, this may lead to him doing ‘something’. Bring him in and tell him as from now he is no longer needed and is not allowed in your house. Oh and change the locks!!

    You are paying rent on the property and that includes the servants quarters so I should think you have a right to demand he be removed from the premises.


  3. Liberal the risk of sounding snotty myself here goes…

    In Asia, specifically say in India, Bangladesh etc the concept of privacy is virtually non existent (Im assuming this person is from an asian country). In most villages, boundary walls are a rarity. To find one, you need to find a house which has a member outside the country or the state. Consider a typical marriage in India. The number of invitees number in the hundreds, because these are community events. People dont understand privacy as it is an alien concept.Here the community has a big say in how you live your life, what clothes you wear, whom you get married to etc.

    Your gardener does not understand privacy. It is his inability to understand that emails are private, that your house is not his, and that your paper is for you alone that causes him to behave in this manner. Additionally, you mentioned that he has a secret agenda to kick the old man out.

    My 2 fils: Warn him very seriously about coming into the house in future. Tell him that he is not to talk to anyone in the house and that if he needs to inform them of anything work related, he can wait until you are outside the house to come and talk to you. Basically, GET OUTTA MY HOUSE.


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