I am sorry. I do not mean to sound like I dislike the Emirates. It is not like that at all. Life here is good. It is so much better here for us than it ever was in the US. I guess what is getting to me right now is the lifestyle or attitude, maybe. I am just worn down and tired from work, I think. I get so sick of people not queuing up, or wanting to be helped first because they are who they are (or think they are). It is not just the Emiraties, so please do not think I am generalizing. I am tired of people not keeping appointments, or not committing to anything. I am tired of seeing trash thrown all over and of seeing children standing in the front seat of cars. I think what I am most tired of is seeing ignorance. What makes it worse, is that I know that most of these people are not stupid, they just don’t think (or don’t care). It is sad, and tiring and leaves me with a feeling of hopelessness and despair.
I am tired. Unfortunately, most people I work with have no idea why or how I have become so tired, because they just don’t get it. It feels like a lot of people here just don’t see the big picture. No one does anything for the greater good. No one is passionate, no one is invested, and sometimes it feels like no one cares at all. I sometimes feel like I am the single person who cares, who tries and who makes it a point to put my best foot forward every time, and I am tired.
This morning, I was cut off (yet again) by some person who thought they were too good to cue up turning into the school parking lot. The idiot came within inches of slamming into my truck. I got pissed off and laid on my horn and flipped him the bird – right in front of my children. I am not like that, but one can only take so much, you know? Why in the hell does it feel like everyone around me thinks they are better than everyone else around them? What goods comes from that mentality? I don’t know. Maybe someone can enlighten me.
Maybe I am just too tired to see the good lately. I am trying. I really am. It so rarely shows itself that I find myself searching for the smallest good thing I can find and hanging onto that moment for a very long time, but it is not enough.
I am sorry.
At least my kids are happy and healthy and my husband is well. I am thankful for my home and that I can afford to put food on the table. I am thankful that my parents are doing well and that my nieces are well. It makes me happy to know that my friends in the USA are getting on well and that their families are well. These are my good things right now and I will hang onto these things as long as I can.