How natural is YOUR gas?

My family and I are a little immature. Well, we’re a lot immature, but it is just so darn fun!

Driving to the mall a few days ago, we had to pull off and get gas in the truck. My kids know the way to the mall (how sad is that), and when they noticed a change in scenery, Little Bit pipes up and says “Daddy! Where are we going? This is NOT how you get to Al Jimi!”. Daddy tells her we are going to get gas, then P-man says “Why? Daddy always has gas.” As if on cue, daddy farted. While this sent the entire family into rolling hysterics, it got we two older people thinking….. And the conversation went a little something like this:

Major: “What if someone found a way to run vehicles off of human farts”
ME: “That would be great – no more oil problems and it would be much more environmentally safe”
Me: “But what about the smell?”
Major: “Wow….that could be bad”
Me: “But if it were all over, we would get used to it and it wouldn’t matter. You know, kind of like how farmers can’t smell cow poop any more?”
Major: “It could be interesting”
Me: “Can you imagine? People will have to start eating a specific diet for different octanes of gas?”
Me: “Excuse me? (me imitating someone pulling up to the pump) I’ll take a tank of the Gwyneth Paltrow (the macrobiotic diet) special please.”
Major: “It’ll never work”
Me: “You’re right, Gwyneth would never sell her farts.”

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One thought on “How natural is YOUR gas?

  1. Well, they do contain methane … If the third <>Mad Max<> taught us one thing, it’s that you can run a post-apocalyptic city on pig waste. Still, I’d imagine one would need an awful lot of fart to power a car (much less a city, post-apocalyptic or otherwise). Then, there’s the problem of collecting the farts. How do you contain them efficiently without your vehicle’s entire fuel supply dissipating into the atmosphere? It might be conceivable to liquify a fart if one were to sufficiently pressurize it or store it at a cold enough temperature, though neither of these solutions seems especially practical. The fart would most likely revert back to a gaseous form on the journey from pump to tank, in which case it again ends up in the atmosphere, not doing you a particular lot of good. This problem is further compounded by the rather obvious fact that I’m taking this far too seriously. I’m easily amused.… Maybe if you had an airtight gas tank big enough for a pig to live in … Its head could poke through a little hole in the back like a veal calf. You could have a trough in the trunk to keep it fed. A larger vehicle – say an SUV or a Mack truck – might need more … Say, a four pig-power engine.… It could work … Right …?

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