No amount of vodka could help me today

I really hate PMS.

Do you ever have one of those days where you wonder just what it would be like to drive right into oncoming traffic? Maybe you think you could see what would happen if you fell on a knife? Or what about wondering if you could jump off the third story balcony and land on your feet? I’m having one of those days/weeks. I felt it coming on and I tried to stop it, but I have been unsuccessful. I am being an edgy bitch and instead of steering clear of me, my family just seems to be in my face more and more this week.

Other bad news includes that I have started starving my self and vomiting again. How fun is that? I can’t help it. Something that “normal” people just will never understand, is that it actually feels good. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and makes me feel like I am in control. I haven’t told the Major yet. Don’t know if I will. I am working through it right now. I know I am doing it and I know it is bad, I just need to figure out what triggered this and deal with that.

Another issue is the house work. I can not keep up with it. This house is too freaking big and I am tired. I have always had issues with laundry (as in there is always too much of it and I never get it done). Yesterday, we agreed that we would start taking our laundry to an automatic laundry and I would just have socks, underwear, sheets and towels to do here. That will help a lot, but then it means we are spending money that should probably be going in the account that he hasn’t set up to save. In line with the laundry issue is the issue of a house maid. We are going to have a lady come in once a week starting next week to clean. Again, here we are spending money…. We also have two gardeners one new and one old. The old one was supposed to have left to go home, but they are having issues with his visa and he is still here. In the mean time, a new one was brought in to take his place so now we are paying two gardeners and only one is doing the work. The old one starts to work a lot toward the end of the month, but the new one works constantly (although he doesn’t do a great job).

Love to all…. Thanks for reading. I will be ok, so don’t worry. I just needed to write.



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