Oh goodness….. Well, it seems that I come off as angry and hateful on this blog. I am not, really. One of my lovely friends, who really loves me or he wouldn’t have told me, pointed out this afternoon that he was sad because I sounded angry. I am not, I promise. I have gotten myself into a bad situation by not taking the time to make the right kind of friends while living here and it has resulted in my not having anyone to talk to. I have one friend here, and she also has multiple children and is over extended and I really don’t want to impose on her with my griping. My beautiful friend in Oklahoma is a busy single gal and I feel bad for always calling her with my gripes, then there is my friend in Houston who has a whole set of problems all her own and since we have been out of contact for so long, have grown apart (we don’t seem to connect the same as before). So, here I am with all these issues floating around my head and I use this blog to vent them.
I am a friendly person. I am the girl who always smiles at you on the street. I am the girl who will stop and help you if you drop something. I am the girl who talks to the person in line behind her at the store just to make things seem less stressful when there is a checker shortage and an overabundance of customers.
I give my time at the schools and I am the mom who always is cutting out paper hearts and delivering cookies to the classroom. I am the neighbor that everyone comes to when they go out of town to check their mail and watch their house. I am the friend that will answer the phone at 11:00 at night so you can cry on my shoulder about some undeserving alcoholic a-hole who just screwed you over and will not say “I told you so” – ever.
I am the person who when receiving a call for the wrong number laughs and says that is it ok – even if they call back 3 more times! I am the person who will stop at a car accident and sit with the victims until the police arrive and if I could afford it, I would probably be the person who would have my own animal rescue shelter.
I smile a lot, even when I am not happy. I am loving and kind and I appreciate people and love to be goofy and make people laugh, and I love to laugh.
I am not bitter. I am not a bitch. I am not angry. I am lonely and I am a little frustrated with my current situation. I just need a place to be me and not feel like I am burdening anyone. OK?
OK, I know that at least one person who reads this is going to tell me that I can call her anytime and talk, and I really appreciate that – and I know that. It is just that sometimes, talking isn’t enough. Sometimes I can’t wait until work is over or peek calling hours are over. Sometimes I can’t say it, but I can type it, so I come here. Sometimes I just need to get it out and I am better – and that’s ok.
I love you – all my friends. I am so grateful to have you guys and to know that you are keeping an eye on me. Thank you – Love ya!