Feeling gasey today – you know, like I need to fart…

What is up with me and potty humor lately? Who cares! I think it is funny, so nana, nana, naaa naaaaa!

So, I have my two handsome brothers-in-law here this weekend and I made fried chicken for dinner last night. For some unknown reason, fried chicken always gives me gas and I always forget about that until after I make it. So since we have guests, I can’t fart! My freaking stomach is killing me and I am running out of good excuses to leave the room. What is a girl to do?

On a different note, the furniture is starting to disappear out of my house as family and friends are showing up to stake their claim on our treasure. It is really starting to hit me that we are actually moving. Geeze, you would think that a dining room full of boxes would have done it for me, but NOOOOOOO, I have to see actual furniture gone before I really realize that we are leaving.

I don’t know. I still need to fart. Fucking ADD. I can’t keep to the damn topic. My stomach feels like the damn Goodyear blimp. My freaking jeans are about to lose the button if I don’t release some of this damn pressure. I guess I should go outside and “do some yard work”. Whatthefuck…………..

Not in a good mood……feeling the bitch starting to tear through the sweet facade……..oh shit…..I’m losing control……….. Don’t know why I am in such a pissy mood…could it be BECAUSE I NEED TO FART AND I CAN’T? I have been part of this family for 12 years, you would think I could just fart, but NOOOO just can’t do it Captain, I’m a lady, not a bar hag (in my best “Scotty” voice, which isn’t very good by the way).

The kids are in the family room watching the dumbest movie known to man – Sponge Bob Square Pants. They are quiet though, so I really don’t give a shit. I think I may go get in the shower. I bet I can fart in there! Besides, I can only take so much of even just hearing that dumb ass movie. UGH – fucking shit, I tell you, It’s all shit. I probably need to do that too……

Later! Until then, go outside and do that!

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