I am going to get mushy now, so if things like this make you uncomfortable, please close the blog…
When I look at my kids, I am just simply amazed. I have the sweetest, most beautiful baby girl sitting in my lap right now. She is warm and chubby like a baby is supposed to be and she smells so good. Her hair is so soft and she has the most perfect nose. I am brought to the verge of tears whenever she looks up at me and says “I lub you” and she gives the sweetest kisses. At 2 she is every bit a lady as any 30 year old I have met, yet she is free and non judgmental. She loves to play outside and she is not afraid of bugs yet she is forever a girly girl then, she loves to pick her nose and give you her boogers! She loves to “pet” my cheek and touch my hair. Her giggle melts my heart and I love her breath. When she gives me kisses, she always makes a fish face and when she colors, she never stays in the lines. My heart bursts every morning when I wake up and realize that I haven’t been dreaming and that this beautiful baby girl really is mine especially when I consider how terrified I was when the doctor told us it was a girl. I can’t believe that I was so scared about having a girl. She is by far the most important and wonderful thing I have done to date. Don’t get me wrong, I love my boys equally as much, but having a girl really is special and sweet.
She is my princess.
The boys are different. One has those kind of movie star looks that will knock you off your feet. He is tall for his age and his hair is white blonde. His eyes will pierce right through your heart and his smile could melt the winter snow. He is so unaware. Unaware of himself and his surroundings. Unaware of his beauty and his energy. He is very passionate and concerned about everyone he loves and he loves deeply. He doesn’t care if his pants are torn or a little too short. He craves belonging and approval – especially from the husband. He is a perfectionist yet his clothes never match. He is just so beautiful sometimes he takes my breath away and he is so smart that I sometimes feel inadequate to answer his questions.
The other is a snuggly bear; so sensitive and loving. He cries at the slightest disturbance and he rescues even the tiniest of bugs from certain death by carrying them outside to live another day. He will be the child to bring home stray animals and have a pet raccoon. His eyes just dance when he smiles and his laugh! Oh my, his laugh! It is the sweetest thing to have ever been heard. He plays alone and hates crowds. Loud noises send him into a fit yet he LOVES punk music! He is warm and fuzzy and he keeps every card and note that anyone gives him. He is a warm and old soul and he can’t stand for his clothes to be wrinkled. He dresses very deliberately and he lines his toys up in perfect rows. He is focused and he still has that wonderful little boy smell.
I can’t believe that these wonderful, complex little people are a part of me and that I played a hand in developing them. How scary is it that I have control over their lives? That I play a huge part in molding and teaching these precious minds? Sometimes it is so overwhelming and every day I question whether I am doing it right. All I can do is help guide them down the right path for each of them and when the time comes, let go when they get to that fork that separates me from them. I must trust that my best is good enough to help them reach their full potential and can only dream that their best will be twice as good as mine.
Oh, wow – did I just get deep there? Sorry!
Heading out for PIZZA!!! No dishes for me!!! See….ADHD……