Dragon Breath

I am convinced that an evil little man slid down my throat on a razorblade. The little dude turns flips every time I look at food and every once in a while he travels back up and puts a piece of ply wood over one of my nostrils. Of course, he only blocks off one nostril and when I finally get it unclogged, the little bastard blocks off the other one. I am pretty sure it has to be a man because the only suitable explanation for this dragon breath I have would be that the little fucker is farting in there and really only men fart like this. UGH…It is the kind of breath that you can feel. It is hot and thick and I am pretty sure that it could cut through metal – hey! who needs a welder, have JAM come breathe on it!!!

One of the kids has informed me that my breath stinks and the husband told me it has been for a few days now. I hate being sick. No amount of tooth brushing can make this go away.

Not to mention that my pale face looks even paler and my eyes are red and puffy and I sound like porky pig trying to take a dump when I talk.

This is just a mom signing off to go work on a puzzle with a kid so we can both be miserable together – ah, family time….

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